The Mowgli of Number Plates

Sorry about the last post. The management insist that I occasionally interrupt the important stuff with bits of - would you believe it - number plates news.

I know, ridiculous, isn't it? How is an artist supposed to work in such an atmosphere of mercenary philistinism (is that a real word?).

Anyway, back to what you really want: our next team member profile.

Today we introduce Adam Bourne - who is not related to Adam Croft, who appeared here a few days ago. In case you hadn't noticed, it is their first names that are the same, not their surnames. Clear? Good.

Where was I? Oh yes, Adam Bourne. Well, when I asked him to give me a bit of background information for this profile, he started spouting some nonsense about being found floating in the Amazon river by local wildlife, which subsequently rescued, adopted and raised him. Clearly, the only people who would believe such a preposterous story are the dangerously deranged, and those who have observed his table manners.

Adam is an Aftersales Advisor. When he told me his job title, I asked, in jest, if an Aftersales Advisor is someone who advises people that "it's a bit late to worry about that". The next thing I remember is waking up with Adam standing over me brandishing a lever arch file.

"Sorry about that," he said as he helped me up, "but I take my job very seriously."

And so he does. His demanding role involves constant problem-solving, chasing transactions for customers to ensure that waiting periods are minimised, liaising with the DVLA, and generally working to provide the best possible service. Adam describes himself as "a unique and treasured asset to the company". (I did make that clear, didn't I? Those are his words, and do not necessarily reflect the official company position on the matter.)

Outside work, Adam enjoys pretty much any extreme sports. He is also a dedicated devotee of body art. He has an impressive collection of very well executed tattoos - about twenty individual illustrations at last count - and a dozen piercings. Adam claims to have endured "more pain than the average crash test dummy". I did consider pointing out that crash test dummies lack nervous systems, and consequently the capacity to feel any pain at all, but I know what he meant, so I decided to let that one pass.

And, anyway, he still has that heavy file on his desk...

Adam's main ambition is to be a top-notch tattooist. Failing that, this self-proclaimed model and part-time Lothario says that he would like to be chief taster in the Sara Lee cheesecake factory. Which brings us back to those table manners again. Gulp...

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